… Wait. Does tequila count as food?

— Corby Anderson

I believe that Perl was written by a Lisp programmer who felt that the parens were making the rest of the puctuation feel jealous.

— Allison Andrews

It’s so sad when the only birthday greetings you get are from your mom, your wife, and the software you wrote …

— Jules Cisek

I have trouble paying more than three digits for something that can’t be plugged into a wall.

— Sean Goller (on engagement rings, since recanted)

If your sysadmin’s not being fascist, you’re paying him too much.

— Sam Greenfield

I guess she’ll stop acting weird now that i’m not a guy.

— Kerry Hagan

Waitaminit! Why are we following the Tarka??

— Mav (Chris Holly)

José … José is our Master … José decides who shall remember … and who shall forget.

— Mav (Chris Holly) (in the Toy Story “Claw people” voice)

Goodbye my brothers, I go to unconsciousness … a better place.

— H. Jameel al Khafiz (in a similar voice)

I’d prefer voice-activated controls, too; I just don’t think I can implement that in my attention span.

— Heath Hunnicutt

I don’t have an ego problem, I am an ego problem!

— Fiz (Faisal Jawdat)

— Faisal Jawdat

There is no CyberSpace, just a lot of people pretending.

— Samuel John Kass I (Am)

As far as I am concerned, paranoia is nothing but heightened awareness.

— H. Jameel al Khafiz

It’s a UNIX utility - it has to give you the means to shoot yourself in the foot. It’s to encourage natural selection …

— Seth LaForge (on one of the more asinine idiosyncracies of CVS)

if i kill my officemate, can one of you come to court and say I was in Baker or something at the time it happened?

— Len Lanphar

Do you think it’s a coincidence that insurance companies ask people if they do the sorts of stuff we do?

— Mike Mengason (after a discussion of cavern diving and ice climbing)

Erik’s Law of non-Euclidian Short Cuts
A successful trip between points A and B must include travel though all points C through Z.

— Mike Mengason

I don’t have Tourrette’s Syndrome — it’s a fucking lifestyle choice!

— Ethan Miller

Isn’t software just science fiction?

— Spence Murray

mmm … 802.11a
just thinking about going wireless
get a couch first.
damn you. I just don’t know you anymore. ;)
dude your couch sucks worse than your lan.
;-D rotfl
besides, 802.11a isn’t useful to me.

— Erik Ogan and Allison Andrews

Hey, Chet, do we have any kind of policy about primary and secondary [on call personnel] going out together and getting drunk beyond all recognition?

— Primary on-call (me) to Chet Jack

Well, it looks like we will after tonight …

— Hugh Docherty (then secondary)

Zephyr is the perfect transport agent for stupid little shit …

— John Prevost

I don’t have enough tequila to pass out, just to fall over! this weekend is gonna suck!

— Adam Rixey

We are Borg. Resistence is futile. You will be assim — AWWWWWWWToken Ring!?!?!?

— Joshua Eli Schachter

it’s against my religion to drink to escape problems. i can only drink to cause problems.

— Geoff Spear

hacker Instance who really gives a fuck about Tonya Harding
Date: 18:39:27 on Sun Feb 6

TV really needs killfiles …

— Geoff Spear

that’s us — cryptopunks and cryptofreaks, road warriors on the information superhighway

— roo (Andrew Stellman)

I am the rumble strips of the information superhighway!

— Dmitri Schoeman

i am the ‘travel bingo’ of the information superhighway

— Chad McDaniel

I'm the state trooper of the information superhighway.
Pay me $40 or lose your accounts :-)

— Rob Earhart

— Andrew B Stellman

Date Added: Nov 10, 1994

If there’s something cooler than RPN, it has to be sex.

— Tomy Tucker (on Reverse Polish Notation)

Computers, Friends, Former QotITP

What I need is a two-way pager and a cron job waiting to send my resignation …
“Do you want to quit today? [Y|n]”

— Salim Virji

Date Added: Jul 23, 1998

I don’t network for jobs, I network for meals …

— Salim M. Virji (on a “re-employment” seminar)

… the internet is a hairy reminder of how utterly mundane everyone’s weirdness really is …

— Salim Virji

Date Added: Apr 29, 2008

Well, you could probably do my taxes with a regular expression, but the rest of us still need nested if’s

— Joe Wells

It’s like an 18-year-old college freshman who smokes a lot of pot, failed his only philosophy class, and is given a huge effects budget.

— Yojo (on The Matrix Reloaded)

Date Added: Nov 23, 2003

No, you don’t understand. I remember the Seventies — clearly. They sucked! … The only good thing that came out of the Seventies was sex, and I was too young. And I’m pissed!

— Stork (Dave Zabowski)

You have to understand, he spells “anal–retentive” with an en-dash.

— Stork (Dave Zabowski)

Date Added: Feb 2, 2003

About this Page

This is an excerpt from my quote file. Things that I've found inspirational, profound, food for thought, but most of all, funny.

This portion is for the “Friends” category. The complete list can be found here, or via the links below.

Return to my blog.

By Attribution