I don’t think we can stand to have it [Mars] sitting out there without dinking with it.
— Arden Albee (Jet Propulsion Laboratory, on the Mars Observer mission)
I’ll carry your books, I’ll carry a tune, I’ll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, “Carry Me Back to Old Virginia,” I’ll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun.
— Hawkeye (Alan Alda), M*A*S*H
“As your elf touches the gold doorknob, 45,000 volts of electricity run through his body. Your elf is now charcoal. What does your wizard do?”
“He calls the Dungeon Master a jerk.”
— Bill Amend, “Fox Trot”
… Wait. Does tequila count as food?
— Corby Anderson
I believe that Perl was written by a Lisp programmer who felt that the parens were making the rest of the puctuation feel jealous.
— Allison Andrews
Those who believe in miracles when it comes to matters of the heart may believe that there is a perfect mate for each of us waiting to be discovered somewhere in the world. But if this is true, the far greater miracle is the frequency with which the Fates conspire to place this person within walking distance.
— Atkinson, Atkinson, Smith, and Hillgard, Introduction to Psychology