I guess she’ll stop acting weird now that i’m not a guy.

— Kerry Hagan

Any person who can’t find reverse gear in a Volkswagen.

— Rich Hall, Sniglets

Do not seek death; death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

— Dag Hammarskjold

Virgil “Bud” Brigman:
Linds, I want you to stay away from that guy. I mean it.
Alan “Hippy” Carnes:
The guy is gone. Did you see his hands?
Lindsay Brigman:
What? He got the shakes?
Virgil “Bud” Brigman:
Look, he’s operating on his own. He’s cut off from his chain of command. He’s showing signs of pressure-induced psychosis, and he’s got a nuclear weapon. So, as a personal favour to me, will you try to put your tongue in neutral for a while?
Alan “Hippy” Carnes:
I got to tell you, I give this whole thing a sphincter-factor of about 9.5.

— Ed Harris, Todd Graff, and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio; The Abyss

The meek shall inherit the earth. The rest of us are going to the stars.

— Robert Heinlein

There are three schools of magic.
One: State a tautology, then ring the changes on its corollaries; that’s philosophy.
Two: Record many facts. Try to find a pattern. Then make a wrong guess at the next fact; that’s science.
Three: Be aware that you live in a malevolent Universe controlled by Murphy’s Law, sometimes offset by Brewster’s Factor; that’s engineering.

— Robert A. Heinlein, The Number of the Beast

Memory never recaptures reality. Memory reconstructs. All reconstructions change the original, becoming external frames of reference that inevitably fall short.

— Frank Herbert, The Mentat Handbook

Date Added: Jul 13, 2003

Opinions are like assholes — everyone’s got one, but nobody wants to look at the other guy’s.

— Hal Hickman

Waitaminit! Why are we following the Tarka??

— Mav (Chris Holly)

José … José is our Master … José decides who shall remember … and who shall forget.

— Mav (Chris Holly) (in the Toy Story “Claw people” voice)

Goodbye my brothers, I go to unconsciousness … a better place.

— H. Jameel al Khafiz (in a similar voice)

It is well to remember that the entire population of the universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.

— John Andrew Holmes

I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.

— J. Edgar Hoover

I’d prefer voice-activated controls, too; I just don’t think I can implement that in my attention span.

— Heath Hunnicutt

About this Page

This is an excerpt from my quote file. Things that I've found inspirational, profound, food for thought, but most of all, funny.

This portion is for Attributions beginning with “H”. The complete list can be found here, or via the links below.

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