… [L]ove doesn’t make things nice. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess, we aren’t here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect, not us. We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die. The storybooks are bullshit.
— Ronny Cammareri (Nicholas Cage), Moonstruck
It’s a trick. Get an axe.
— Ash (Bruce Campbell), Army of Darkness
- Bad Ash:
- You’re the good Ash. And I’m the bad Ash.
- Bad Ash: (dancing)
- Little goody two shoes, Little goody two shoes … etc …
- [Shotgun discharge]
- Good Ash:
- Good … bad … I’m the guy with the gun.
— Bruce Campbell and Bruce Campbell; Army of Darkness
- Henry:
- I am Henry the Red, Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northlands and leader of its peoples.
- Ash:
- Well hello Mr. Fancy-pants. I got news for you pal, you ain’t leadin’ but two things right now. Jack and shit … and Jack left town.
— Marcus Gilbert and Bruce Campbell; Army of Darkness
What is a magician but a practising theorist?
— Obi-Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness)
- Virgil “Bud” Brigman:
- Linds, I want you to stay away from that guy. I mean it.
- Alan “Hippy” Carnes:
- The guy is gone. Did you see his hands?
- Lindsay Brigman:
- What? He got the shakes?
- Virgil “Bud” Brigman:
- Look, he’s operating on his own. He’s cut off from his chain of command. He’s showing signs of pressure-induced psychosis, and he’s got a nuclear weapon. So, as a personal favour to me, will you try to put your tongue in neutral for a while?
- Alan “Hippy” Carnes:
- I got to tell you, I give this whole thing a sphincter-factor of about 9.5.
— Ed Harris, Todd Graff, and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio; The Abyss
Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I’m delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever.
— Baron Munchausen (John Neville), The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
Your choice is simple. Join us and live in peace or pursue your present course and face obliteration. We shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you.
— Klaatu (Michael Rennie), The Day the Earth Stood Still
- Rosencrantz:
- Do you think Death could be a boat?
- Guildenstern:
- No, no, no … Death is … not. Death isn’t. The ultimate negative. Not-being. You can’t not be on a boat.
- Rosencrantz:
- I’ve frequently not been on boats.
- Guildenstern:
- No, no, no … What you’ve been is not on boats.
— Tom Stoppard, “Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead”
- Jeffery:
- Aren’t you supposed to be straight — and celibate?
- Father Dan:
- Maybe you didn’t hear me. I’m a Cath-o-lic priest. Historically, that falls somewhere between chorus boy and florist.
— Steven Weber and Nathan Lane; Jeffery
It’s like an 18-year-old college freshman who smokes a lot of pot, failed his only philosophy class, and is given a huge effects budget.
— Yojo (on The Matrix Reloaded)