Mr. E - My Quotefile

… Wait. Does tequila count as food?

— Corby Anderson

---

I believe that Perl was written by a Lisp programmer who felt that the parens were making the rest of the puctuation feel jealous.

— Allison Andrews

---

It’s so sad when the only birthday greetings you get are from your mom, your wife, and the software you wrote …

— Jules Cisek

---

I have trouble paying more than three digits for something that can’t be plugged into a wall.

— Sean Goller (on engagement rings, since recanted)

---

If your sysadmin’s not being fascist, you’re paying him too much.

— Sam Greenfield

---

I guess she’ll stop acting weird now that i’m not a guy.

— Kerry Hagan

---

Waitaminit! Why are we following the Tarka??

— Mav (Chris Holly)

---

José … José is our Master … José decides who shall remember … and who shall forget.

— Mav (Chris Holly) (in the Toy Story “Claw people” voice)

Goodbye my brothers, I go to unconsciousness … a better place.

— H. Jameel al Khafiz (in a similar voice)

---

I’d prefer voice-activated controls, too; I just don’t think I can implement that in my attention span.

— Heath Hunnicutt

---

I don’t have an ego problem, I am an ego problem!

— Fiz (Faisal Jawdat)

---

— Faisal Jawdat

---

There is no CyberSpace, just a lot of people pretending.

— Samuel John Kass I (Am)

---

As far as I am concerned, paranoia is nothing but heightened awareness.

— H. Jameel al Khafiz

---

It’s a UNIX utility - it has to give you the means to shoot yourself in the foot. It’s to encourage natural selection …

— Seth LaForge (on one of the more asinine idiosyncracies of CVS)

---

if i kill my officemate, can one of you come to court and say I was in Baker or something at the time it happened?

— Len Lanphar

---

Do you think it’s a coincidence that insurance companies ask people if they do the sorts of stuff we do?

— Mike Mengason (after a discussion of cavern diving and ice climbing)

---

Erik’s Law of non-Euclidian Short Cuts

A successful trip between points A and B must include travel though all points C through Z.

— Mike Mengason

---

I don’t have Tourrette’s Syndrome — it’s a fucking lifestyle choice!

— Ethan Miller

---

Isn’t software just science fiction?

— Spence Murray

---

ErikOgan:

mmm … 802.11a

NeverReadsEmail:

where?

ErikOgan:

just thinking about going wireless

NeverReadsEmail:

get a couch first.

ErikOgan:

damn you. I just don’t know you anymore. ;)

NeverReadsEmail:

dude your couch sucks worse than your lan.

ErikOgan:

;-D rotfl

NeverReadsEmail:

besides, 802.11a isn’t useful to me.

— Erik Ogan and Allison Andrews

---

Hey, Chet, do we have any kind of policy about primary and secondary [on call personnel] going out together and getting drunk beyond all recognition?

— Primary on-call (me) to Chet Jack

Well, it looks like we will after tonight …

— Hugh Docherty (then secondary)

---

Zephyr is the perfect transport agent for stupid little shit …

— John Prevost

---

I don’t have enough tequila to pass out, just to fall over! this weekend is gonna suck!

— Adam Rixey

---

We are Borg. Resistence is futile. You will be assim — AWWWWWWW … Token Ring!?!?!?

— Joshua Eli Schachter

---

it’s against my religion to drink to escape problems. i can only drink to cause problems.

— Geoff Spear

---

hacker Instance who really gives a fuck about Tonya Harding
Date: 18:39:27 on Sun Feb 6

TV really needs killfiles …

— Geoff Spear

---

that’s us — cryptopunks and cryptofreaks, road warriors on the information superhighway

— roo (Andrew Stellman)

I am the rumble strips of the information superhighway!

— Dmitri Schoeman

i am the ‘travel bingo’ of the information superhighway

— Chad McDaniel

I'm the state trooper of the information superhighway.
Pay me $40 or lose your accounts :-)

— Rob Earhart

---

— Andrew B Stellman

---

If there’s something cooler than RPN, it has to be sex.

— Tomy Tucker (on Reverse Polish Notation)

---

What I need is a two-way pager and a cron job waiting to send my resignation …
“Do you want to quit today? [Y|n]”

— Salim Virji

---

I don’t network for jobs, I network for meals …

— Salim M. Virji (on a “re-employment” seminar)

---

… the internet is a hairy reminder of how utterly mundane everyone’s weirdness really is …

— Salim Virji

---

Well, you could probably do my taxes with a regular expression, but the rest of us still need nested if’s

— Joe Wells

---

It’s like an 18-year-old college freshman who smokes a lot of pot, failed his only philosophy class, and is given a huge effects budget.

— Yojo (on The Matrix Reloaded)

---

No, you don’t understand. I remember the Seventies — clearly. They sucked! … The only good thing that came out of the Seventies was sex, and I was too young. And I’m pissed!

— Stork (Dave Zabowski)

---

You have to understand, he spells “anal–retentive” with an en-dash.

— Stork (Dave Zabowski)